Bad advice to graduate students

My advice to your future graduate students:

Write a dissertation based on data collected by someone else; do not attempt to study what interests you; do not attempt to be original; do not have a family, friends or a life outside of your research; do not try to put things in perspective; always take the low road; do what is quick and easy; base your self-worth, not on the quality of your work, but on the quantity of paper your work takes up; never question why you’re doing what you’re doing or whether or not it makes a difference–it doesn’t; and finally–learn a vocation on the side–just in case.

Ned